Who says rape can’t be funny? This blog http://www.republicansforrape.org/ addresses the US Congress’ brave attempt to protect defense contractors from being forced to enter the legal system when their employees rape other employees.
Tag Archives: satire
We’ve all heard lots of “how to avoid rape” advice for women, much of which seems to be intended to shift all responsibility for sexual assault to us, instead of those who are actually doing the assaulting. Rainbow Girl, International Feminist of Mystery, has a blog post up that skewers this “safety” advice.
Here’s a sample of advice given (in black), and RG’s colorful responses:
2) Trust your instincts. Women are very intuitive. Yes, actually women have magical animal instincts because they are genetically closer to vampires/bats than humans. That’s why we don’t allow them full human rights. You know how an ordinary flower looks different to a bee because the bee can see the ultraviolet colours? Women are like that. Bad men have RAPIST written in a colour called ultraviolator, which women can see if they look really hard. If you think a situation might be dangerous then it probably is. Of course, as a woman you are conditioned to assume that every situation is dangerous, so you’d best just stay indoors and marry a powerful but house-ridden military man who can defend you 24 hours a day. After all, man is woman’s best defense against men. That little guardian angel should be trusted rather than ignored. Oh yes, and if individual men won’t come to your aid, there’s a Big Man in the sky who totally will. Ask Rwanda.
Visit the Team Rainbow blog for more incisive and very funny feminist commentary. You might also be interested in purchasing Rainbow Girl’s self-published comic book, Rainbow Girl Stars in SEXY WAR – it’s for a great cause, with all proceeds donated to Umoja Uaso Kenyan Women’s Village.
… So what would happen if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not?
Clearly, menstruation would become an enviable, worthy, masculine event:
Men would brag about how long and how much.
Young boys would talk about it as the envied beginning of manhood. Gifts, religious ceremonies, family dinners, and stag parties would mark the day.
To prevent monthly work loss among the powerful, Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea. Doctors would research little about heart attacks, from which men would be hormonally protected, but everything about cramps.
Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of such commercial brands as Paul Newman Tampons, Muhammad Ali’s Rope-a-Dope Pads, John Wayne Maxi Pads, and Joe Namath Jock Shields- “For Those Light Bachelor Days.”
Statistical surveys would show that men did better in sports and won more Olympic medals during their periods.
Generals, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation (“men-struation”) as proof that only men could serve God and country in combat (“You have to give blood to take blood”), occupy high political office (“Can women be properly fierce without a monthly cycle governed by the planet Mars?”), be priests, ministers, God Himself (“He gave this blood for our sins”), or rabbis (“Without a monthly purge of impurities, women are unclean”).
Male liberals and radicals, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could join their ranks if only she were willing to recognize the primacy of menstrual rights (“Everything else is a single issue”) or self-inflict a major wound every month (“You must give blood for the revolution”).
Street guys would invent slang (“He’s a three-pad man”) and “give fives” on the corner with some exchange like, “Man you lookin’ good!”
“Yeah, man, I’m on the rag!”
Check out the rest of the wonderful “If Men Could Menstruate” by Gloria Steinem