Campaign Apocalypse!

“Supposedly, everyone wants to know how the candidates stand on the big, scary issues that face our world in the 21st century. Global warming (or “climate change,” if you watch Bill O’Reilly for an unbiased opinion), immigration, the depreciation of the dollar to the general worth of wallpaper, the health care crisis, the bogeymen of tourists with Euros and terrorists with suitcase bombs, the moral morass of waterboarding, and what can perhaps best be described as a unisex, global state of PMS, all assail our collective nerves.

At this point, though, it’s hard to keep track of it all. Furthermore, after what seems like an eternity of campaign brouhaha, the average voter’s eyes are glazing over. Perhaps we need something a little more explosively cinematic to grab America’s attention away from more exciting issues, such as whether Heidi and Spencer on The Hills will break up. Speaking of stupid “reality” TV characters, what we really want to know is, how would our three running candidates handle it if our nation were attacked by an epidemic of zombies? Or, more realistically, what about lizard people from space? A terrifying super-virus? Nanotechnology run amuck? An ice age or a pole shift? The Rapture? In a fit of violent speculation, we, your beloved 16 Blocks political analysts, have come up with some potential scenarios.

Senator McCain, what would you do in the event of an international epidemic of virulently contagious zombieism, causing ordinary citizens to attack their fellows and devour their spicy brains?

MCCAIN: It would be naive to exclude the nuclear option. If they form a rogue government, we should overthrow them. I will also not rule out pre-emptive attack against potential zombies.

Mr. Senator, wouldn’t all people be considered potential zombies?



We apologize for that last post with the Reginald Blythe quote, which was not funny, and hope to have made it up to you with this humorous political piece written by a couple of women. Read the rest of this article here


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